


Fantastic Mr. Box

by Dr_Burns



Series: Tea Party 9000 [1]
Category: Family Guy
Genre: Black Box, Dead Parrot Sketch, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 08:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12032466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Burns/pseuds/Dr_Burns
Summary: Meg has a crush on the coolest boy in school, but questions whatever or not it’s worth dating him after experiencing a bizarre incident; Meanwhile, Cleveland cleans out his attic..





	Fantastic Mr. Box

“FANTASTIC MR. BOX”

 

By: Dr. Burns

 

SYNOPSIS:

"Meg has a crush on the coolest boy in school, but questions whatever or not it’s worth dating him after experiencing a bizarre incident; Meanwhile, Cleveland cleans out his attic.”

 

SCRIPT CAST

(as sorted chronologically by their spoken line(s); an (*) next to their names also indicates their first appearance) :

Meg Griffin (as Meg)

Ruth

Patty

Esther

Kylo Ren (as Kylo)

Cleveland Brown (as Cleveland)

Wario

Donald Trump (as Donald)

Robot Joe Arpaio (as Joe A.)

Shop Owner

Man with Dead Parrot

Shawn

Admiral Ackbar

Principle Shepherd (as Shepherd)

Connie D’Amico (as Connie)

Peter Griffin (as Peter)

Neil Goldman (as Neil)

Students 1 & 2

David Eowasba (as David)

Head Writer

Droopy Dog (as Droopy)

Stewie Griffin (as Stewie)

John Herbert (as Herbert)

Lois Griffin (as Lois)

Brian Griffin (as Brian)

Chris Griffin (as Chris)

Libby

Pat Sajak

Pablo

Joe Swanson (as Joe S.)

Captain America

Dora the Explorer (as Dora)

Boots the Monkey (as Boots)

The grumpy old troll who lives under the bridge (as Troll)

Papa Smurf

Homer Simpson (as Homer)

* * *

#  Act 1

 

EXT. JAMES WOODS HIGH SCHOOL - DAYTIME

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

The whole front of the school is SHOWN. All appears calm for a few seconds...

 

INTERRUPT SCORE:

 

... Until a random tree in the background suddenly combusts into flames! Followed by a LOUD fart.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - LUNCHTIME

 

The ENTIRE cafeteria is packed with students. Meg and her friends, Esther, Patty, and Ruth, can be SEEN at their table as they chat, and enjoy their lunch.

 

A cold breeze catches the girls’ attention; It’s David Eowasba, the “coolest” Alaskan Native-American male student in school, walking pass their table! The girls watch, and begin to flirt with him as he continues his way towards the table at the far end of the cafeteria where all the popular girls sit, and then starts a conversation with that group. Meg is exceptionally aroused by his presence...

 

*MEG:

Oh my god, it’s David Eowasba!

 

The ladies sigh in flirtation.

 

*RUTH:

He’s so dreamy!

 

MEG:

(super flirty) Yeah! Imagine how dreamy it’ll be to be around him...

 

Meg ponders whatever or not she should ask him out.

 

MEG:

You know what... I should go for it!

 

Meg gets off from her seat, and prepares to build up the courage to ask David out. She then takes off to see him.

 

RUTH:

Wait? Where’re you going!?

 

*PATTY:

Oh Jez’! Not again!

 

*ESTHER:

Meg! No! Come back!

 

Meg friend’s rushes up from their spots to intervene. Patty grabs Meg by the arm, and then pulls her back toward them.

 

MEG:

(gets interrupted) What the heck, Patty!?

 

PATTY:

We’re sorry, but we need to talk!

 

MEG:

Talk? About what?

 

RUTH:

You’re dating habits!

 

MEG:

My what?

 

RUTH:

You heard me! It’s gotten way out of control, girlfriend!

 

ESTHER:

You’ve went out with over 200 guys so far! That’s twice the number of boyfriends from last year to date!!

 

MEG:

Excuse me? What’s wrong about trying my shot at love!? And how would you know how it feels like!? All of you never had boyfriends!

 

PATTY:

True, but we still got our fill of experience in relationships and romance from hours of watching “Gray’s Anatomy”, “90210”, all of the “Real Housewives” shows, and “Rick and Morty”; But that’s besides the point! We just want you to be more careful about the type of guys you choose. (points to David) Just, look! David is hot, but that’s it! Do we even know what his style is like?

 

Patty gestures Meg to take another look at David. He’s SEEN wiping the under side of his groin with a long piece of moose fur (with antlers attached) in front of the popular girls’ table.

 

MEG:

I understand what you’re saying, but David couldn’t be bad; And obviously, I won’t know what he’s like unless I ask him. That’s kind of the main point of dating! It’s like a really fun adventure where anything goes, including the occasional drunk sex! (annoyed) But now you’re telling me to ruin this moment for myself!? I thought you girls would have my back!

 

RUTH:

I’m sorry, Meg! We didn’t mean to offend you. We’re worried something bad might happen to you if you continue to let yourself go like this!

 

Meg LOOKS DOWN with heavy thoughts.

 

RUTH (cont’d):

Come on, Meg! (concerned) We know this isn’t like you... You’ve changed.

 

MEG:

(long pause while filled with grief) You’re right... To be honest, I’m not sure what’s up with me lately. I thought after dozens and dozens of dates I would of found “the one” by now, but this sea of men is larger than I’d imagined. It’s more like an ocean, maybe even a class bigger than that.

 

ESTHER:

Like the entire planet?

 

MEG:

(really depressed) And then every time they end up rejecting me, dumping me, abandoning me, made up lies to get away from me, and more than a few of them got themselves killed by some freak accident that was partially my fault. And with every date after DATE after DATE... I always get this feeling... that these guys aren’t the kind for me; But, it couldn’t be my fault we broke up. To think I’d figured that out a long time ago!

 

RUTH:

But you don’t need to fall for every single guy you see! Although, it sounds like you’ve lowered your standards too low. Is there SOMEONE in particular you’re looking for?

 

MEG:

I’m... not sure... Actually, I really don’t have any standards towards anyone... (just realized) And maybe that’s my problem! I’d never gave the time for myself to think about my type!

 

RUTH:

Maybe now it’s time you find your dating preference!

 

MEG:

(relived) You’re right! Thanks, Ruth! I... guess all I need now is a good starting point!

 

ESTHER:

You could start by thinking about all things you don’t want in a date, and then go from there.

 

MEG:

*pfff* That’s easy! I don’t want my date to be like the last jerk; He was a total douche!

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

INT. KYLO REN’S APARTMENT

 

Kylo Ren is standing next to a broken, torn-up keypad of a large machine while talking ON HIS PHONE with a customer support line.

 

*KYLO:

Hello! This is Kylo Ren... (continuously pauses while listening to the representative) What? Only name on file? That’s convenient! Anyway, I’m calling because there was an “incident” with my unit. I tried to defrost the carbonite inside it because there’s some derbies I need clean out... Uh huh...

 

The camera zooms out to SHOW THE REST OF THE MACHINE where Meg is frozen inside a block of carbonite. It appears she was in some kind of distress before she froze.

 

KYLO (cont’d):

... Yeah... so I tried to use this keypad thing to activate the defrost function, but then I got “really frustrated” about not using the right code to... Uh huh... Yeah, in other words, I’ll need to order a new key-pad for my unit, or maybe there’s some way you could help me... Oh! So you’ll send someone out to look at it!? That’s stellar! ... Tomorrow? Ohhhh... I can’t. I wish, but I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and I prefer to be present while... Yeah... Tuesday sounds good! ... Sure! ... Anytime is OK! ... Alright-ty! See you then!

 

Kylo hangs up the phone. He goes over to approach the block of carbonite, and then rubs his finger across Meg’s frozen cheeks.

 

KYLO:

(to Meg) We’ll be in touch.

 

END GAG AND CUT TO:

 

EXT. BROWN’S HOUSE

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

The whole front of the Brown’s house is SHOWN.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. ATTIC

 

Cleveland Brown UNPACKS a large stack of moving boxes the family had buried since they’ve moved in years ago.

 

*CLEVELAND:

I sweer’, It always takes forever for us to unpack all these moving boxes. It’s been a few years since we got to these...

 

Cleveland eventually digs out AN OLD BOX that has Cleveland Jr.’s name on it.

 

CLEVELAND:

Whoh’! This must be one of Junior’s! I’d better give him this so he can go through it...

 

Cleveland takes a moment to think. He then shrugs off, and lays the box down BESIDES him.

 

Cleveland carefully INSPECTS all of Jr.’s stuff; Eventually running into his collection of adult manga.

 

CLEVELAND:

(curiously pleased) *giggle* Helo’! What do we have here?

 

Not realizing about the mature nature of their content, he starts to read through one of the comics, but then immediately throws it aside in blissful disgust!

 

CLEVELAND:

(surprised) And boom goes the dynamite!

 

The booklet gently floats to the ground, and then EXPLODES into a ball of flames upon impact!

 

CLEVELAND (cont’d):

Totally wasn’t expectin’ to see THAT much boob in a cartoon! What in da’ world are the Japanese showing our kids these days!?

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

EXT. YOSHI’S ISLAND

 

Yoshi the green, egg-laying dinosaur can be seen UNDERNEATH a disco-ball while he tries to clean his crotch with his long tongue.

 

Wario eventually walks INTO the scene, and STARES at the camera with a dull face.

 

*WARIO:

(points to Yoshi’s butt while unimpressed) Oh look... It’s fan service...

 

END GAG:

 

Cleveland tries to recollect his focus, and then resumes searching Jr.’s box. He eventually STUMBLES UPON a suspicious, fully-black colored shoe box.

 

CLEVELAND:

Hmm? What’s this?

 

Cleveland barely lifts the lid slightly open and tries to take a peek until he notices the words “Do Not Open” written ON THE SIDE with white paint. He then takes his hand off the lid, but questions what exactly is in the black box that Jr. wants to keep secret.

 

CLEVELAND:

Damn! (to the camera) I really wished the writers given’ me more lines in the script; (points to black box) Because this would of made an interesting side story for this episode!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. SCHOOL GYM - AFTER SCHOOL

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

The entire high school are gearing up for their prep rally! Various final preparations can be SEEN being made out inside the gym.

 

Some volunteer students are setting up the last pieces up a large, decorative stage up against the center of the back wall. A few other volunteers are trying to hang up a large banner that says “Lé Prep Rally” in big letters right above the stage; The text is followed by a much smaller subtext that reads “Please don’t make this banner into a meme” written underneath it.

 

About 3/4 of the bleachers on both the left and right sides of the gym are filled with other students as they wait for the rally to begin. Meg and her friends ENTER through the big door from the opposite end of the gym from the stage.

 

RUTH:

(to Meg) By the way, congratulations on you’re “Academic Achievement” award, Meg!

 

MEG:

Thanks! I’m so glad the student council made the school announce all of the major awards at this year’s prep rally; Instead of having everyone go to the principle's office to pick up their awards like they used to do.

 

ESTHER:

Yep, and the timing’s perfect too! With things are now I bet it’ll be awkward receiving any awards from “that” office.

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

INT. OVAL OFFICE

 

The *cough*super-quote*cough*“””””President””””” is INSIDE the Oval Office along side his newly appointed chief strategist (who is a cheaply-made, robotic replica of Joe Arpaio) as they prepare to present an award...

 

*DONALD:

I, “””””President of the United States””””” Donald J. Trump, am glad to present this year’s award to the fittest student in the country, and for passing the “President’s Fitness Exam” with flying colors to ... William?

 

William, the recipient of the award, ENTERS the office, and then approaches right beside Donald.

 

DONALD:

Oh... ummm... (leans over to whisper to robot Joe Arpaio) I thought we invited that hot female recipient instead of this dud!

 

*JOE A.:

(robotic sounding, and very monotoned) Do you remember? We decided not to; Ergo, you said bringing over that blond blow-horn will be (high pitch) SOOOOOO (normal pitch) annoying.

 

DONALD:

Yes, I did say that, but that was before I’d checked out her Twitter profile. Oh man! I can tell she’s a party! JOBS!!! But, I suppose this one will do...

 

Donald gets closer to William.

 

DONALD (cont’d):

(to William) Hey, kid! I was gonna’ ask the other winner, but could you help me with...

 

Donald tries to undo his zipper, but then the cutaway gag gets interrupted...

 

CUT TO WHITE-ON-BLACK MESSAGE:

 

“Do to the obscene nature of the rest of this cutaway gag, and in compliance with FCC guidelines and regulations, we will instead show the remainder of the gag’s original run with this popular skit from the world renowned classic “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”.”

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. PET SHOP

 

A man SHOWS up with his pet parrot he recently bought from the shop. The parrot is apparently dead.

 

*SHOP OWNER:

How can I help you today, dear sir?

 

*MAN WITH DEAD PARROT:

I just bought this parrot from your shop not long ago, but look!

 

The man aggressively throws the parrot against the shop owner’s desk hoping to have it checked out.

 

MAN WITH DEAD PARROT (cont’d):

It’s dead!

 

SHOP OWNER:

(long pause) Well, that’s too bad!

 

CUE SCORE “End credits from

‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus’”:

 

The man sigh in disappointment.

 

END GAG:

 

The girls are SEEN with shocked, dramatic faces as they stare straight to the camera; They’re disgusted about the cutaway gag they’ve watched!

 

MEG:

(to the camera) Jesus fuck! That cutaway gag was terrible!!!

 

CUT AND GO TO BREAK:

* * *

#  Act 2

 

INT. SCHOOL GYM - EARLY EVENING

 

CUE SCORE “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” -

by “Drowning Pool”:

 

The school’s prep rally is already half-way over. All of the bleachers and chairs in the middle of the gym are PACKED with students and faculty members.

 

Most of the attendees appear to be unimpressed with the rally. Meg and her friends are sitting near the FRONT row.

 

PATTY:

This prep rally sucks!

 

ESTHER:

Has it ever?

 

PATTY:

Well, it feels more suck-ish than last year, but there’s isn’t anything different.

 

ESTHER:

The award ceremony is new. Hopefully that doesn’t suck...

 

MEG:

(realized) Oh crap! I almost forgot! Do any of you know when it’ll start?

 

ESTHER:

How should we know? You would know more about it than we do.

 

MEG:

(to Esther) The only thing I know is I’m getting my “Academic Award”; Besides that, I’m just as lost as you.

 

Shawn, the president of the student body council, MAKES HIS WAY UP the bleachers, and then tries to get Meg’s attention. He’s decked out in his school varsity jock jacket and jeans.

 

*SHAWN:

Hey! Are you Meg Griffin?

 

MEG:

(to Shawn) That’s me!

 

SHAWN:

I’m Shawn, student body president. I’m going around the stands to let all the award recipients know that we’re meeting in room 208 for a pre-ceremony rehearsal, ASAP! It’s mandatory for anyone who’s being awarded tonight.

 

MEG:

OK! Thanks!

 

Shawn leaves as he maneuvers his way pass other student in the bleachers to inform them about the meeting.

 

PATTY:

Rehearsal?

 

MEG:

(to Patty) Well, duh! We’ll need to practice how to get on and off the stage when they call our names.

 

RUTH:

But, Room 208? That’s on the other side of the school! Do you really need to meet there?

 

MEG:

Dang! Good point! I better move my fat ass over there, pronto!

 

Meg gets up from her spot as she prepares to leave. Her friends tries to follow her.

 

PATTY:

Wait, Meg! We’re coming with you!

 

MEG:

Thanks, Patty! But you girls don’t have to come watch us rehearse.

 

PATTY:

I know, but I rather watch you goose-step with the other wannabes instead of stickin’ around for this train wreck...

 

Neil Goldman, the current performing act of the rally, IS IN THE VERY CENTER of the gym. He’s trying to sing along with his enormous boom-box he has resting on his shoulders. The song PLAYING from it is “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor”, but he’s singing the WRONG song; He’s actually singing the lyrics to “Purple Rain”.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT - HALLWAY NEAR ROOM 208 - MINUTES BEFORE THE CEREMONY

 

Meg and the gang has just FOUND the room where the rehearsal will supposedly take place.

 

MEG:

Yep! This is it! 208...

 

INT - ROOM 208

 

CUE SCORE “Suspicious Meeting”:

 

The girls ENTER the classroom. There’s a few tables LAID out with big bowls of punch, snacks, and a single, tall pile of copies of the program guide that lists how the award ceremony will play out. There’s no one else in the room.

 

RUTH:

Strange... nobody’s here.

 

MEG:

I guess we must be the firsts one.

 

Meg begins to explore the classroom a little. A bad feeling is getting to Patty...

 

PATTY:

(suspicious) I don’t know about this.

 

ESTHER:

What do you mean?

 

PATTY:

Like, how is it we’re the firsts one here, but no one else is on their way yet? Did you see anyone else coming in our direction?

 

ESTHER:

No... Not that I noticed...

 

Meg SEES the stack of program guides. She carelessly approaches the stack, and then tries to pick up the booklet on top; Although it appears to be stuck.

 

PATTY:

(really suspicious) Something’s not right... if my gut-feeling in spotting out overly-foreshadowed plot twists is correct, (gradually getting worried) then I say this whole thing is a...

 

Meg gets too frustrated with peeling off the top of the stack. She instead tries to lift the entire stack upwards.

 

A suspicious piece of rope can be SEEN getting pulled from a hole in the table where the stack was to the bottom of the stack itself. This appears to have triggered some sort of contraption nearby as Meg starts to HEAR strange noises.

 

Suddenly, a part of the ceiling right ABOVE Meg pops open. Admiral Ackbar COMES running into the classroom!

 

*ADMIRAL ACKBAR:

It’s a trap!!!

 

CUE SCORE “Trap Suite no. 7”:

 

Indeed, it is a trap! The trap floor tiles below Meg suddenly springs up; Sending her flying UP INTO the open ceiling! Her friends watch in shock!

 

MEG:

(flying away) AAAHHH!!!

 

RUTH:

MEG!!

 

PATTY:

Dammit! Those evil popular kids got her again!

 

ESTHER:

What are they going to do to her this time!?

 

ADMIRAL ACKBAR:

(short pause) I tried to warn her...

 

A roughed-up Kylo Ren suddenly sneaks up BEHIND the admiral, and then shanks his light-saber into the admiral’s abdomen!

 

KYLO:

(threating) Where’s my money!?

 

ADMIRAL ACKBAR:

(suffocating) I don’t have it!

 

KYLO:

I said where’s my money!?

 

ADMIRAL ACKBAR:

I’m telling you I don’t have your money!!!

 

Kylo drags the admiral off-screen to interrogate him more...

 

ADMIRAL ACKBAR (cont’d, off-screen):

AAHHH!!! Holy Saint Jar Jar Binks!!! Save Me!!!

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS

 

Meg crash lands ONTO a make-shift conveyor belt from her unexpected flight. An assembly line of naughty school teens are preparing various props along the length of the belt.

 

The belt starts to MOVE. Meg braces herself for the popular kid’s torture!

 

As the belt moves ALONG, the kids dump a large drum of cow manure onto Meg; Followed by containers full of rotten fish, cats (who tries to eat her because of the scent of fish), small toy-breed dogs (who scares away the cats, but then pees on her afterwards), a mysterious substance known as “Something Awful” (which is actually a bunch of objects that’s blurred/censored on screen), and then Brad Pitt’s tears...

 

MEG:

(spits out the tear juice from her mouth) Man! He has salty tears!

 

The kids UNLOADS a vat of glue, and then a giant bucket of pillow feathers; Making Meg look like a big chicken! At the end of the conveyor belt, Meg gets dropped INTO a large cannon. The kids reposition the cannon so it’s AIMED towards the gym where the prep rally is currently going on. They prepare to fire!

 

END SCORE AND CUT TO:

 

INT. SCHOOL GYM

 

The award ceremony already started moments ago. Principle Shepherd and the other recipients ARE ON THE BIG STAGE with some of their awards already received.

 

The school’s drumline ROLLS THEIR DRUMS to build anticipation; The Principle just begun to present the “Academic Achievement” Award...

 

*SHEPHERD:

... And this year’s award in honor for her hard work of studying, passing all grades to the best of her abilities, and “actually” staying away from drugs, unlike the rest of you pot-heads, goes to...

 

Ruth, Patty, and Esther RUSH INTO the gym just as the award is almost announced.

 

RUTH:

Oh no! We're too late!

 

PATTY:

Jez’! What luck Meg has! They’re about to call her name!

 

A large sudden explosion is HEARD from somewhere outside. The aftershock shakes the entire gym for a short moment. Everyone pauses in SILENCE; Even the principle too.

 

ESTHER:

Something tells me she’s on her way...

 

Suddenly, a brightly dim fireball can be seen falling from the sky as everyone in the gym LOOKS UP at the glass ceiling. The fireball breaks through the glass!

 

Everyone from the stage runs AWAY in panic as the fireball crash lands onto the middle of the stage! It bursts into a plume of smoke!

 

The cloud steadily clears out. The U.F.O. that crashed is actually Meg, who can be SEEN all covered in partially burnt feathers! The principle eventually feels assured enough to approach Meg, and then hands her the award...

 

SHEPHERD:

This year’s “Award for Academic Recognition” goes to Meg Griffin!

 

The silence in the gym eventually BREAKS into a volley of laughter as everyone laughs at Meg! Her friends rush ONTO the stage to comfort her.

 

The popular kids responsible for the prank also GETS ON the stage to taunt Meg; Along with their supposed mastermind, Connie D’Amico!

 

*CONNIE:

(up in Meg’s face) Academic? Please! More like “gullible” is what you are! (laughs)

 

A couple teardrops starts to DRIP FROM Meg’s eyes.

 

ESTHER:

Connie, That was so mean!

 

PATTY:

Do you jerks have anything better to do!?

 

The noise of the laughter and the embarrassment starts to get to Meg. Her tears gradually EVAPORATES INTO ANGER. She soon gets up with all of her built-up rage, aggressively picks up the microphone, and then lets out a LOUD SCREAM!

 

MEG:

AHHHHHHH!!!!

 

The whole gym BECOMES PARALYZED in shock. Meg throws the mic. hard to the floor; It explodes upon impact! She then directs her anger TOWARDS Connie!

 

MEG:

(yelling in shear anger) I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR STUPID PRANKS!!!!!

 

CUE SCORE “Confrontation”:

 

Meg RUNS OVER to Connie, and punches her in the face! Connie falls down, but then Meg picks her back up by the shoulders and violently shakes her!

 

MEG:

(pretty pissed) Do you know what it’s like to be tortured by the likes of YOU after all these years!? Why are you so interested in ruining my life!?!?

 

CONNIE:

(assertive) Because I fell like it, bitch!

 

Meg slaps Connie in the face!

 

MEG:

Cut the crap, Connie!! We all know there’s more to your own crap than that!!

 

CONNIE:

Excuse me!?

 

MEG:

That’s right!! Out of all the other people you’ve bullied around, you took the time to mess with me the most!! All of my other bullies aren’t even like that!!

 

CONNIE:

Maybe because I’m the one who likes picking on you the most!

 

MEG:

Or maybe because YOU hate me so much!

 

CONNIE:

Of course I hate you! Who else hates giant chickens!?

 

INTERRUPT SCORE AND CUT TO GAG:

 

Peter is inside an EMPTY white room. He slowly raises his hand in response to Connie’s question...

 

*PETER:

(very long pause) ... nuff said!

 

END GAG AND RESUME SCORE:

 

MEG:

No!! Not if you just hate me, I mean if you “hate” hate me!! Like there’s something you really don’t like about me!! (shakes Connie more) Just tell me, Connie!! (miserable with passionate fury) What do you have against me after all these years!? What the hell is wrong WITH ME that ticks you off so freakin’ bad!?!?

 

CONNIE:

(long pause) ... Do I really need to tell you!?

 

MEG:

Yes!! Tell me, PLEASE!! I JUST CAN’T EVEN last another year with your stupid grudge hanging over me!!!

 

Connie becomes very hesitant about telling Meg the truth.

 

CONNIE:

(long pause, and with each pause her voice raises) You know what... (longer pause) You know what! ... (another pause) The thing is, Meg!! (another pause, but the aggression drops) There’s nothing wrong with you ...

 

MEG:

Nothing... Nothing!? Then why...

 

END SCORE:

 

Connie suddenly kisses Meg flat ON THE LIPS! The whole gym GASPS into deeper silence; Even Meg gets interrupted by the surprise! Her face LOOKS puzzled, eventhough Connie appears to be enjoying it.

 

A long dozen or so seconds passes by until Connie stops kissing. Moments after, she shoves Meg aside, and then takes a few steps back away from her.

 

This confusing moment has sucked all the aggression from Meg. She slowly gets closer to Connie to calmly ask about her strange actions.

 

MEG:

(calm and really confused) Hey, Connie... What...

 

Connie passionately grabs Meg by the shoulders. Tears can be SEEN pouring down Connie’s face...

 

CONNIE:

(lightly sobbing) I think you know exactly what that was...

 

Connie gently brush the feathers OFF OF Meg’s hair and upper torso. She then backs away a few more steps.

 

CONNIE:

I’m really sorry about how much I’ve abused you, Meg...

 

Connie brakes out more tears. She quickly TURNS AROUND, kicks the male jock (who was already behind her) in the crotch, starts crying more, quickly goes around the stage to kick all of the SURROUNDING jocks and male drumline members in the crotch in orderly fashion, gets off the stage, and then finally makes a dash OUT the gym; Crying hysterically while also KICKING various male students in their crotch along the way!

 

Meg is still STUNNED by this weird incident, and so are her friends...

 

ESTHER:

What the heck just happened?

 

CUE SCORE “I Kissed a Girl” -

By “Katy Perry”:

 

Neil suddenly pops out from BEHIND the group with his boom box as it PLAYS that ironic song. Ruth confiscates his boom box, and then smashes it into the ground!

 

INTERRUPT SCORE:

 

RUTH:

(annoyed) Dang it, Neil! That song is so over-used!

 

*NEIL:

(joking) That’s what she said!

 

Neil shows off a cheesy smile. An injured drumline drummer plays off to that dumb pun as all of the girls face-palms and nods in annoyance. Patty gestures them to leave...

 

PATTY:

(long pause, and then points towards Neil) Get the fuck out of the gym!

 

Neil’s spirit gets crushed. He sadly walks off the stage as the drummer falls back down to his knees.

 

CUT AND GO TO BREAK:

* * *

#  Act 3

 

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - LATE EVENING

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

All of the senior students start to RETURN to their vehicles to go home. Patty is already INSIDE her own car along with Ruth and Esther in the passenger seats as they continue to wait for Meg (who is apparently still inside the school).

 

PATTY:

Jez’! I really hope Meg is fine. It’s been a while.

 

ESTHER:

Yeah! After that awful prank, and that thing with Connie...

 

PATTY:

Oh yeah! I wonder what that’s all about.

 

ESTHER:

I don’t know. The way Connie came onto Meg... it was like... you don’t think... Connie might be... with Meg...

 

PATTY:

What? No way! Connie isn’t like that! We all know how that bitch abuses Meg just like how the NFL players beats up their wives, and their coaches let them get away with it!

 

RUTH:

You never know, Patty. I’ve heard there’s cases of bullying in which the main motive of why bullies beat up their victims are sometimes to get romantic attention from them.

 

PATTY:

I still don’t believe this is the case, Ruth; But, whatever! Meg might want to hurry up. This is usually the time after school events when the parking lot traffic starts gettin’ insane!

 

A sudden sound of a loud finder-bender is HEARD from another part of the parking lot. Two students can be SEEN arguing and shoving after they’ve bumped their cars into each other.

 

*STUDENT 1:

(pissed) Oh! That’s it! It’s on!

 

*STUDENT 2:

(pissed) That’s how it gonna’ be!?

 

The two students quickly runs off to enter their own cars. Their cars then transform themselves into giant, fighting robots; In which an epic rumble immediately erupts!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. WOMEN’S LOCKER ROOM

 

Meg is bathing IN THE LOCKER ROOM’S SHOWER as she tries to wash off the last of the feathers still stuck on her body. The camera momentarily SHOWS the drain’s almost clogged with feathers, and then SWITCH to a foggy upper body shot of Meg curiously staring at herself in the shower’s mirror.

 

Meg can’t tell how she should feel. She twitches her lips around and tries to make kissy-faces in the mirror; As if she’s more fixated about Connie rather than feeling humiliated from the prank she endured.

 

Eventually after drying off from the shower, Meg retrieves her clothes FROM the locker room dryer (which they’ve already gone through a full cycle in the washer), puts them on, retrieves the rest of her belongings she sat aside earlier, and then prepares to make her way OUT to regroup with her friends; But then suddenly, David Eowasba APPEARS out of nowhere!

 

*DAVID:

(friendly) What’s up!

 

MEG:

(scared) Oh Crap! David! You scared me!

 

DAVID:

I’m sorry... Meg, is it?

 

MEG:

Yep! (joking) It’s me, Meg, the flying chicken girl! Don’t scratch the name!

 

DAVID:

(also joking) Oh yes, you ARE the chicken girl. “Wolf-Man should know better!”

 

MEG:

*giggle* Yeah... By the way, were you in here the whole time? I didn’t hear you come in!

 

DAVID:

Oh, my bad! I’d actually just got here, because “Wolf-Man is good at stalking!”... It’s an “Eskimo” thing.

 

MEG:

Wow! (laughs) Did someone wrote that line in the script, because that sounds racist! (laughs more)

 

DAVID:

Yeah, I get that a lot. Say! Would you like to go hang out with me?

 

CUE SCORE “A Shot of Love: Intermission”:

 

MEG:

(ecstatic) Yes! Would I’d ever!

 

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY

 

Both Meg and David EXITS the locker room. They then takes a stroll around the hallways as they hold hands together.

 

LATER:

 

Less than a hours passes by. Meg and David are still aimlessly wondering around the halls talking about their own life experiences.

 

END SCORE:

 

DAVID:

... So there I was trapped in the snow storm. I got lost. I got hungry. I needed to find food to survive. But luckily I found this big elk laying there in the middle of the woods, frozen solid! The buck didn’t stand a chance against the cold! So like any survivalist in the Alaskan wilderness would do is I made a nice fire pit next to it, and butchered up the beast, limb by limb. “Mmmmmm, best roasted elk I ever had!”, is what I’d thought... until I realized it wasn’t an elk at all; It was some fat Russian dude who got lost in those woods long before me! But, at least his dick was tasty!

 

MEG:

(laughs) Oh my god, David! My friends are so wrong about you... Oh darn!

 

Meg checks her watch.

 

MEG (cont'd):

Speaking of which, I gotta’ get going. My friends are waiting for me outside!

 

DAVID:

Whoops! Sorry about holding them up with our chat!

 

MEG:

That’s OK! (points to the direction where she initially came into the building) They’re out this way!

 

Meg and David makes a rush towards the parking lot.

 

DAVID:

I hope the traffic doesn’t keep your friends here too much longer.

 

MEG:

That’s OK! They’ll be fine!

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT

 

CUE SCORE “Epic Robot Battle!!!”:

 

All of the student drivers are SEEN battling each other inside their giant, fighting robot cars and trucks! The camera pans ACROSS the gruesome battleground!

 

Patty’s fighting robot is trying to hold position in FRONT OF THE BUILDING that houses the school locker rooms. Her robot resembles some kind of 3 headed hydra with built-in machine gun turrets inside their mouths. Each movable head is PILOTED by Patty, Ruth, and Esther!

 

RUTH:

FLANK RIGHT!!! FLANK RIGHT!!!

 

PATTY:

I don’t know if I can handle this!! AHHH!!!

 

ESTHER:

This chainsaw is so annoying to dodge!!

 

RUTH (voice-over into Esther’s cockpit):

Screw the chainsaw guy, Esther!! The one with the flamethrower is getting closer!!

 

ESTHER:

I’m on it!!

 

Meg and David COMES OUT through the back door right behind the robot hydra.

 

MEG:

See! Told you they’re fine!

 

DAVID:

That’s a relief.

 

MEG:

Yeah... Oh! Where’s you’re car?

 

DAVID:

I prefer not to ride on any oil leeching, nature destroyers...

 

David takes out a wooden flute from inside his shirt, and PLAYS a short melody with it. A giant falcon COMES SWOOPING IN! It starts to take out some of the other robots!

 

RUTH:

What’s with the falcon!?

 

ESTHER:

I think that falcon is our friend!!

 

PATTY:

Sweet!!

 

The falcon stares at the ladies, and gives them a wink. It then flies off to LAND NEXT TO DAVID.

 

DAVID:

It was nice meeting you, Meg!

 

David prepares to get on his pet falcon as the couple wave each other goodbye. Meg then quickly runs to the back of Patty’s hydra.

 

MEG:

It’s me, Meg! Permission to board!

 

PATTY (voice-over):

Permission granted yesterday!! Where the hell have you been!?

 

MEG:

Sorry! Shits’ happened!

 

The back of the robot opens up to allow Meg to enter its internal cockpit. It closes itself back, and then re-transform into a giant butt!

 

Meg is INSIDE the cockpit messing around with some buttons.

 

MEG:

Turbo thrusters online!!

 

RUTH:

PUNCH IT, MEGA-BUTT!!!

 

A huge rocket engine pops out through AN OPENING IN THE MIDDLE of the metal butt. The robot hydra then blasts OFF AND AWAY into the night sky! David and his falcon eventually follow the girls to ensure their safe trip home.

 

MEG:

(flying away) YYYEEEEEEEHOOOOOOO!!!!

 

ESTHER:

(flying away) Smell ya’ later, bitches!!!

 

INTERRUPT SCORE AND CUT TO:

 

INT. WRITER’S ROOM:

 

One of the head writer's of “Family Guy” is SEEN at his desk reading through a rough draft copy of this same script as he critiques it in FRONT of Droopy, the supposed author of the script...

 

*HEAD WRITER:

(reads the line out loud) “The robot hydra then blasts off and away into the night sky...“ (thinks) Hmmm...

 

*DROOPY:

Well? What do you think, sir?

 

HEAD WRITER:

I not sure... Something about this robot fight scene still doesn’t “feel” right...

 

DROOPY:

I possibly can’t re-write that scene again! It’s my dozen-th revision!

 

HEAD WRITER:

I know, but maybe you don’t have to redo it this time. Some parts of it seems OK... maybe if you could shorten it up a bit it’ll sound better for us to work with!

 

DROOPY:

*sigh* I suppose I’ll look into it, sir.

 

HEAD WRITER:

Great! By the way, I couldn’t help to notice this part you have here (turns the pages) about Cleveland...

 

DROOPY:

Oops! My apologies! I didn’t mean to leave that in. It was just an idea I was fiddling with, but I’ve been meaning to write it out!

 

HEAD WRITER:

Are you sure? It seems like this would make an interesting side plot! Why don’t you give Cleveland some more lines?

 

DROOPY:

I tried to, but I realized there wouldn’t be enough space in the script without blowing our budget, and without taking out any of the other parts you wanted me to keep...

 

HEAD WRITER:

That would be ashamed if... (realized) Mm! Tell you what! (flips the pages) If you can take out these WHOLE five pages that has “Robot Statue of Liberty” kicking Optimus Prime in the crotch, then you can donate that screen-time to Cleveland!

 

DROOPY:

Hmmm... (nods in thought) I believe I can make it happen! But if I do, then I’ll have to squeeze him near the end of the show so I won't mess up the flow of Meg's story too much.

 

HEAD WRITER:

Wonderful! Then I’ll be looking forward to you next draft!

 

The head writer and Droopy briefly reach across desk to shake hands.

 

DROOPY:

Indeed this is a good compromise, sir!

 

The head writer sets the script aside.

 

HEAD WRITER:

I’ll let you get to it, but since you’re going on your break, would you be up for a line?

 

DROOPY:

I’d love to!

 

The head writer takes out a bag of cocaine, lays down two thin lines of the drug onto the desk in front of himself and Droopy, pulls out a couple straws, gives one to Droopy, and then the two prepare to use them to snort the cocaine; But then the show immediately cuts to commercial break...

 

CUT AND GO TO BREAK:

* * *

#  Act 4

 

EXT. DOWNTOWN QUAHOG - EARLY AFTERNOON

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

Meg walks ACROSS the street while on her smartphone talking to Patty. She’s wearing a strapless date-night dress and high heels with her hair done, and a modest amount make-up on.

 

MEG:

Yes, Patty! I know what we said about me going out with total strangers... (pauses while listening to Patty) I know... dating preferences. All of that important crap. But David was the one who ask me out ... (annoyed) And so that you know, I really hate it when you judge my life! ... I’ll worry about THAT if we ever do break up ... (really pissed off) What!? ... No!! ... That new “Star Trek” show looks so dumb!!! ... No!! You suck it!! ... You suck it!!! ... YOU!! SUCK!! IT!! HARD!!!! *grunt*

 

Meg hangs up the line, and sticks her smartphone in-between her cleavage. She then finds David waiting for her NEAR the entrance of the movie theater where they’ll have their date. He’s wearing his usual, everyday swag.

 

MEG:

Sorry to keep you waiting, David!

 

DAVID:

Not a prob!

 

The couple approach BEHIND a short line at the theater.

 

MEG:

I can’t wait to see this movie! I heard it’s almost like the “Twilight” movies, except this one’s actually watch-able!

 

DAVID:

Yeah, I had a feeling this movie might be a good choice. Although, I’m the one who should of said sorry earlier. I realized last night it was impolite of me not to tell you that I have a wild fetish towards women getting humiliated... (apologetic) But not like as a torturing, psychotic, “abusive-boyfriend kidnapping scheme” kind. I mean in a funny, prank-ish kind... of... And also not like it’s the reason why I’ve asked you out, because I really do enjoy hanging out with you!

 

MEG:

*giggle* That’s OK! I also have a fetish towards pain.

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

INT. MEG’S BEDROOM

 

A large potted saguaro cactus can be SEEN in the middle of the room; It’s very tall, and has a long arm with two slightly shorter, but very bulged arms underneath it (which suspiciously looks like a male genitalia). The camera zooms out to show Meg (in her underwear) TRYING TO HUG the cactus with its arms FACING TOWARDS her.

 

MEG:

(sexually aroused) I’m going to pretend you’re Ryan Secrest...

 

Meg hugs the cactus closer to her.

 

END GAG:

 

DAVID:

I love you, Meg...

 

MEG:

I... (hesitant pause) me too...

 

The couples’ faces starts moving CLOSER to one another. Their eyes locked onto each other’s. Their lips prepare to land a smooch of great passion! But then suddenly a strange feeling comes to Meg. As their faces draws ever closer, she starts to withdraw.

 

Just as their lips WERE ABOUT TO TOUCH, Meg suddenly backs away from David!

 

MEG:

(freaked out) Sorry, Gotta’ Go!

 

Meg runs far AWAY from David! She makes a sharp turn into the next alley-way, and then hides BEHIND a dumpster!

 

Meg feels overwhelmingly confused about what got into her. She starts to make that kissy-face expression again. She then starts to question whatever or not going out with David is what she wanted as she recalls the flash-backs from the past couple days...

 

RUTH (flashback-ed voice-over):

Come on, Meg! We know this isn’t like you...

 

MEG (flashback-ed voice-over):

What’s wrong about trying my shot at love!?

 

PATTY (flashback-ed voice-over):

David is hot, but that’s it!

 

CONNIE (flashback-ed voice-over):

I think you know exactly what that was...

 

*STEWIE (random voice-over):

So that you know, this episode is stupid.

 

RUTH (flashback-ed voice-over):

You don’t need to fall for every single guy!

 

CONNIE (flashback-ed voice-over):

Because I’m the one who likes picking on you the most!

 

MEG (flashback-ed voice-over):

That’s OK! I also have a fetish towards pain.

 

*HERBERT (random voice-over):

Put the lotion in the basket...

 

With these heavy thoughts, Meg decides to get up and prepare to confront David about calling off their date; But David was ALREADY AROUND THE CORNER of the dumpster she was hiding behind!

 

MEG:

(scared) Oh my god you’re sneaky!

 

DAVID:

My bad! I can’t help it...

 

MEG:

(serious) Yeah... Listen, Dave. Something just came up that... I need to take care of, so if you don’t mind I’m going to have to call it a day...

 

DAVID:

Wait? Are we breaking up?

 

MEG:

What? No! What’s makes you say that?

 

DAVID:

But you seemed so excited about seeing the movie.

 

MEG:

I know, but I really need to go home. It’s an emergency.

 

DAVID:

But you don’t have to leave me now.

 

MEG:

I didn’t say anything about leaving you.

 

DAVID:

I know you didn’t, but that’s what it feels like you’re trying to do; And you know I don’t like it when women leaves me...

 

MEG:

(randomly points behind David while alert) DAVID!!! WATCH OUT!!! A DISTRACTION!!!

 

David quickly turns around...

 

DAVID:

(bracing himself) WHERE!?!?

 

With David distracted from Meg, she quickly kicks him in the crotch; He falls down hard as she makes a disparate ESCAPE OUT of the allay-way!

 

Meg hides AROUND THE CORNER away from David as he lays there in pain. She tries to catch her breath again for a few moments, and then takes her SMARTPHONE back out. She uses it to dial Connie’s phone number. Connie eventually picks up the line...

 

MEG:

Hey, Connie! It’s Meg! ... (pauses while listening to Connie) Yeah ... Oh, no! It’s cool! It’s cool ... I’ve meant to ask you earlier; How did you guys manage to get so much tears from Brat Pitt? ... Oh, right! That thing with Angelina ... And he cried so much, he couldn’t keep all of his tears inside his mansion? ... So he gave some to you? ... (laughs) Well, lucky you! Say! Would you like to go hang out with me? ... OK! Sound great! ... Actually, (looks around) I’m out on errands right now, but I’ll see you at my place in about a half-hour... Great! ... Bye, Connie! ...

 

Meg hangs the line up. She kisses the screen of smartphone for a solid second, and slowly wiggles it back into her cleavage. She then prepares to head back home, but then suddenly she trips and FALLS FRONT FIRST to the ground; Although it seems like someone actually pushed her from behind!

 

CUE SCORE “Date Rape!”:

 

The camera focus FULLY ON HER FACE as she struggles to get up; It appears she's getting raped!

 

MEG:

(pleas for her life) AHHH!!! I’M SORRY, DAVID!!! PLEASE, DON’T!!! I TOLD YOU I NEED TO GO HOME!!! JUST PLEASE, DAVE!!! STOP!!! Stop...

 

Meg suddenly stops her plea. The camera zooms out to find NO ONE was on top her, and she might of acted that scene ALONE.

 

INTERRUPT SCORE:

 

MEG:

(puzzled) Huh? That’s weird. This is supposed to be the part where David tries to rape me so he can get back at me...

 

Meg gets back up, and then cautiously peeks AROUND THE CORNER to see David’s still LYING THERE on the ground.

 

MEG:

Oh, wow! David’s still there... (calls out to David) David!? ... David!?

 

Meg goes to check up on David. He LOOKS immobile in a small pool of blood on the floor near his groin.

 

MEG (cont’d):

David? Are you OK?

 

Meg takes two of her fingers, and holds them firmly against David’s neck to check his heartbeat; But then she slowly steps away in horror as she realizes she accidentally killed him!

 

MEG:

(stepping back in shock) Oh my god... Oh my god! ... Oh my god!! ... (looks around) Uhhh...

 

Meg picks up David’s body in a disparate attempt to hide the crime scene. She carries him TOWARDS the dumpster, uses one of her feet to push down its lever to open the lid, throws the body into the dumpster, and then lifts her feet back up to close the lid (just like one of those household, foot activated pop up trash can lids). She quickly tries to brush off any dirt that got on her during the disposal, readjusts the top of her dress, and then goes on her way as if nothing happened; Peacefully WHISTLING AWAY as she walks off.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. GRIFFIN’S HOUSE - EVENING

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

The whole front-right side of the Griffin’s house is SHOWN. Until...

 

INTERRUPT SCORE:

 

... Another random tree explodes in the background seconds later! Followed by a LOUD fart.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. LIVING ROOM

 

Connie and Meg are SITTING ON THE COUCH watching TV. Meg’s parents and Stewie (who’s being held by Lois) quietly peeks down FROM THE STAIRWAY UPSTAIRS as they curiously spy on the couple; They were not expecting Meg to be back until later...

 

*LOIS:

Well... Meg is back early...

 

PETER:

Yeah, I wonder how her 246th date went...

 

Peter takes notice of Connie INSIDE their home.

 

PETER (cont'd):

Hey! It’s that hot chick from Meg’s school who picks on her a lot!

 

LOIS:

(to Peter) Control yourself...

 

PETER:

Man! I bet she’d banged so many football players!

 

LOIS:

Peter! You know better than to talk about attractive young women like that!

 

PETER:

Common’ Lois! You know it’s true! Popular girls always get all the good things in life. They have first dibs’ on the best sex with other attractive guys, and they get all of the good parts in porn movies. They practically make the rockin’ world go round! (pauses in thought) Or is it fat bottom girls ... Or ... (grins in pleasure) both!

 

LOIS:

(really annoyed) Peter, so help me god...

 

Connie and Meg were already aware of the intruder’s presence...

 

MEG:

(calls out towards the stairs) We know you’re up there!

 

CONNIE:

(also to the stairs) Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin!

 

STEWIE:

Curses! Foiled again!

 

The trio comes DOWN THE STAIRS after being exposed.

 

LOIS:

Welcome home, Meg! How was your date?

 

MEG:

Meh... It was fine.

 

LOIS:

That’s good! So, when will you be seeing David again?

 

MEG:

Hmmmm... Probably not too soon.

 

LOIS:

Not too soon? (suspicious) How come? Did something happen on your date?

 

MEG:

Well, things got a little bit “too” weird, so we decided to go our own ways.

 

PETER:

(worried) You mean you’ve broke up? What happened exactly?

 

LOIS:

I wanna’ know too, Meg! Did he reject you?

 

PETER:

Dump you?

 

LOIS:

Abandon you?

 

STEWIE:

Made up lies to get away from you?

 

Brian COMES IN FROM THE BACK to join the rest of the Griffins.

 

*BRIAN:

Or did he got himself killed by some freak accident that you were partially involved in?

 

MEG:

(long pause) I admit “at least” one of those things are true, but I can assure you I’m the one who called it off!

 

Chris comes DOWN THE STAIRS to join in too.

 

*CHRIS:

(walking down the stairs) Or maybe the reason Meg dumped David is so she can booty-call Connie to come hang out and make-out with her later!

 

PETER:

Meg? Connie? Booty-calls who now??? Lois, Did I hear that right?

 

LOIS:

Chris, what are you talking about?

 

CHRIS:

About how Meg and Connie are going out together. It became kind of a big deal at school ever since Connie did a “Britteny Spears” on Meg’s face last night at the prep rally.

 

PETER:

That happened yesterday!? Ladies, is this true!?

 

Connie and Meg quickly gets off the couch to their own defense!

 

CONNIE:

Dammit, Chris! You always have to ruin everything!!

 

MEG:

(to Peter) And why are you acting so surprised!? I’ve already told you what happened last night!!

 

LOIS:

What? No you didn’t!

 

MEG:

(to Lois) Yeah-uh! I’ve even told you and dad right when I got back! Do you guys remember, or were you just ignoring me again!?

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

INT. LIVING ROOM - LAST NIGHT AFTER THE PREP RALLY

 

Meg ENTERS the house through the front door as she returns from a rather interesting experience at her high school prep rally. Her parents are on the couch watching TV.

 

Meg sets her stuff aside next to the couch, and proceeds to tell them about her night out; Eventhougth no one’s interested in LISTENING to her.

 

PETER:

Hi, sweetie!

 

MEG:

Oh my god! You’ll never believe what happened to me today... (continues to ramble on about her day)

 

PETER:

Oh dang *sigh* ... (pretends to respond to Meg) Oh yeah ... Uh huh ... Oh ... OK ... Uh huh ...

 

LOIS:

(also pretends to care) Oh ... that’s nice, Meg ... Uh huh ... Oh ... interesting ... Uh huh ... sure ...

 

PETER:

(still pretending to care) Oh ... that’s too bad ... Uh huh ... I know, Conan O'Brien is a dirty whore ...

 

The camera SWITCHES over to the TV screen; “Wheel of Fortune” is on! Libby, one of the contestants of the show, is trying to complete the phrase PRESENTED to her.

 

*LIBBY:

I like to solve! (guesses the phrase out loud) “Conan O'Brien is a dirty whore” ...

 

The rest of the letters on the puzzle board fills in; It’s the correct phrase!

 

*PAT SAJAK:

You got it!

 

LIBBY:

(excited) YAYY!!!

 

END GAG:

 

MEG:

You know what? It doesn’t matter whatever you knew or not! The thing is, I’ve learn something about myself. My whole life I’ve struggled with finding the right man. Every relationship I had always gets crushed. I’ve dated and dated, but I was never been able to settle down with the right guy. The search was driving me crazy, and this past year has been the worst! Since then, I started binge dating to the point where I almost lost hope! But then my friends suggested I should take another look at my type; The type of men I should be dating. After what happened to me last night with Connie, and then today from that date with David, I realized... It’s not just finding my type that was bugging me; Because every time I get dumped, I just “assumed” it wasn’t not my fault, but the truth is... it was! Could it of been the way I acted? My looks? The way my voice sounded? Turns out it was none of those things; But something else I’d never thought about myself until now; Something that was part of my true self hidden deep inside me the whole time. And now after what happened, I finally found my preference!!! You see, I was never meant to date men. They were never my type at all because... I’m gay!

 

The rest of the Griffins STARE at Meg in apparent shock from her revelation!

 

MEG:

That’s right... I’m a big, fat, gay, lesbian!

 

The entire room remains silent...

 

MEG:

I know what you’re thinking... But I didn’t mean to say that like a paraphrase to the “The Ellen Show”; It’s literately who I am! (stretches her arms out) Big! (shakes her belly fat) Fat! (hugs Connie from behind and gropes her side-breast) And gay!

 

The room remains silent for a little more than a few seconds until LAUGHTER breaks out from the Griffins as they still don’t believe Meg. They then try to calm themselves.

 

LOIS:

Oh! That was a kicker!

 

PETER:

You almost had us going, sweetie!

 

MEG:

But, dad! It’s true! I’m gay!

 

CHRIS:

*giggle* I was just about to ask if we’re gonna’ be doing another “repeat episode”!

 

PETER:

I don’t see how, but then again we did had a lot of remakes and crap going on in the past several seasons...

 

CHRIS:

It still could be! This moment reminds me of that other time when Meg claims she’s gay.

 

PETER:

(tries to recall) That time? Which episode are we talking about?

 

CHRIS:

(ponders) I’m not completely sure... but I remember it because it had Brian and Stewie and that gig they did with Frank Sinatra Jr.!

 

PETER:

(still tries to recall) The gig with Sinatra Jr. ... you mean the episode about the restaurant they’ve opened together? That place was terrible! I’m shocked the health inspectors didn’t shut down that labor camp sooner...

 

BRIAN:

No, I think he means the Sinatra episode before that...

 

PETER:

Hmmm… “Tales of a Third Grade Nothing”? I doubt that!

 

LOIS:

How about the one before that...

 

CHRIS:

That time when they’ve teamed up to beat the “Flaming Martian Monkeys” in a musical song battle? Nope! Doesn’t ring a bell...

 

PETER:

Well, it couldn’t of been the “Pakistani Luau” episode...

 

STEWIE:

Or the "Iranian Hoe-down Christmas Special"...

 

BRIAN:

Or that unreleased, secret episode in Season 3 we did with “The Simpsons” that our other cross-over episode everyone knows about is based off of...

 

LOIS:

How about the one when they’ve killed Kenny?

 

PETER:

No… Frank wasn’t in that one...

 

LOIS:

Yes he was! Remember, he killed Kenny!

 

PETER:

Oh, that’s right! Because he’s a bastard!

 

CHRIS:

(just remembered) OK! Now I remember! It was “Brian Swings and Swings”!

 

PETER:

(also just remembered) Oh yeah! You where such a bull in that episode, Brian!

 

BRIAN:

*giggle* Yeah, I was!

 

LOIS:

(recalls while laughing) *chuckle* That’s the one where Meg faked being a lesbian!? Is it? (laughs more)

 

PETER:

Yep! Now you remember?

 

LOIS:

How could I not!?

 

All of the Griffins, except for Meg and Stewie, start to LAUGH hysterically!

 

STEWIE:

(comments to himself while confused) Wait, why can’t I remember that episode... (realized) Oh, right! The usual voice-actor that does me didn’t got casted for it.

 

PETER:

(laughs) You’ve panned her so good, Lois!

 

LOIS:

I know! I could tell right off the bat she didn’t have it in her; Especially when she brought over that other gay chick. I tried to call her out by making her kiss that girl in the lips. I couldn’t stop laughing at that bad acting!(laughs more)

 

Connie and Meg are finally at their limit of annoyance from the Griffin’s mocking them. The couple passionately kiss and hold each other BEHIND EVERYONE else’s backs!

 

LOIS (cont’d):

And *chuckle* And then I tried to demonstrate how women kiss each other by me kissing that girl... (laughs even harder) As if Meg didn’t see that coming! Poor thing never even seen girls kissing girls before! You should of seen her face, it was classic! (calms down a bit) Although, if Meg actually did kissed her for more than a second, maybe I could of bought it back then…

 

Chris notices the couple making out.

 

CHRIS:

(points towards Connie and Meg) You mean like that, mom?

 

LOIS:

Yeah...

 

Lois also sees the couple.

 

LOIS:

(surprised) Oh! (very long pause while curiously bewildered) ... Why, yes ... just like that ...

 

The rest of the Griffins finally notices the couple making out. They cease their laughter.

 

STEWIE:

(stunned) Huh ...

 

PETER:

(very long pause while also stunned) ... Hey, Lois! Did you know our daughter’s gay?

 

CUT AND GO TO BREAK:

* * *

#  Act 5

 

EXT. GRIFFIN’S HOUSE – LATE NIGHT

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

The whole front-right side of the house is SHOWN.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. LIVING ROOM

 

Connie and Meg are by the FRONT DOOR as they make-out one last time before Connie heads back home.

 

CONNIE:

Wanna’ do this again tomorrow?

 

MEG:

Of course, babe!

 

The couple stops kissing. Connie EXITS the house, and then takes off in her car. Meg sighs in love! She then makes her way towards the basement as she WALKS PASS Brian.

 

BRIAN:

Meg... We’re sorry... We had no idea...

 

MEG:

(walking pass Brian) That’s OK, Brian... I just discovered myself too...

 

Meg makes her way down INTO the basement.

 

INT. BASEMENT

 

Meg pulls out one of her laundry baskets FROM THE SIDE of the room. She then uses it to take her clothes OUT FROM the tumble dryer. As she does, Peter starts to peek AROUND THE CORNER of the door.

 

Peter perversely WATCHES MEG’S BEHIND as she does her laundry; Eventhougth she’s already aware of him. After she takes the last of her clothes out, she carries the basket with her back up the basement stairs.

 

INT. LIVING ROOM

 

Peter retreats away from the basement door as Meg COMES OUT with her basket. She tries to confront Peter about peeping on her...

 

MEG:

Dad? Were you checking out my butt?

 

PETER:

(pretends to be unaware) Wait? What did I do?

 

MEG:

I totally saw you staring at me while I was down there!

 

PETER:

(busted) Ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t know what got over me!

 

MEG:

(levels with Peter) I know exactly why you watched me like that. Me being gay hasn’t changed me at all. I’m still the same, and I definitely look the same as before too.

 

PETER:

I’m sorry, Meg. It’s just with all of the recent events and stuff happened in the world, the human race has evolved into a lesbo-eccentric society, but even since then we still don’t know how to behave in front of gay women. I never thought of you being a lesbian. To me, it’s like your a different kind of women from the Meg I know, and I’m honestly trying my best of not becoming a “chomo” toward you!

 

MEG:

*giggle* Dad, you’re not turning into “chomo”! You’re not that type of guy! (serious) But, I would REALLY appreciate it if you don’t treat me differently from before. Kay’?

 

Meg makes her way up the stairs with her clothes. Brian approaches Peter.

 

PETER:

(to Brian) I don’t know Brian. This all seems new to me. Actually, I was expecting Stewie telling me “he’s coming out the closet” sometime after he hit puberty... but, I’m not sure if I’ll ever adapt to Meg’s new lifestyle.

 

BRIAN:

I’m sure you’ll manage... although, did you almost referred yourself as a “chomo”?

 

PETER:

Yeah?

 

BRIAN:

You probably didn’t mean to say that, right? Because a “pedo” would be a more accurate term to use.

 

PETER:

A “pedo”?

 

BRIAN:

Yep!

 

PETER:

But why “pedo”, but not “chomo”?

 

BRIAN:

You should know.

 

PETER:

But I don’t know! It sounds more catchy if I say I’m a “chomo”, rather than me being a “pedo”!

 

BRIAN:

(pause) Peter, do you even know what a “chomo” is???

 

PETER:

Nope! The first time I heard about it is was on the radio when they used the word “chomo” to describe Donald Trump. I don’t understand why they’ve even called him that! He seems like a nice gentlemen, and it was an alt-right conservative radio station I was listenin’ to; So it couldn’t be a bad word, right!?

 

BRIAN:

Oh! Speaking of which, what ever happened to that NFL cutaway gag we were supposed to do?

 

PETER:

You mean when Meg’s friends mentions how the NFL is letting their players off the hook with criminal acts, and then we show how bad of an influence they have on society in a goofy sing-a-long parody of “Hamilton”? Last I heard they’ve pulled it from the show at the last minute.

 

BRIAN:

(relived) *whew* Thank god! Our fans would have been pissed to see that terrible gag!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MEG’S BEDROOM

 

Meg unloads her laundry ONTO THE END OF THE BED so she can start sorting through them. Lois hides BEHIND THE CORNER of the door as she perversely STARES AT MEG’S BREASTS while she does her clothes. Meg eventually calls her out...

 

MEG:

Mom! Not you too!

 

LOIS:

Sorry! I couldn’t resist!

 

Lois comes out of hiding, and ENTERS the room to approach Meg.

 

MEG:

Can you guys please stop treating me like this; It’s creeping me out!

 

LOIS:

I’m sorry, Meg! I know this is something the family will need to get used to. We just need time to adjust ourselves to your lesbianism... Can you trust us?

 

Meg takes a long moment to think about believing Lois.

 

MEG:

Yeah... I suppose I can trust you...

 

Meg briefly hugs Lois. She then goes over to the closet, and opens its doors.

 

MEG (cont’d):

But first can you please get rid of these studio equipment!?

 

Meg grabs a camera and tripod out of the closet. Lois is shocked Meg knew about her secret intentions...

 

LOIS:

(laughs) What!? Did I leave those in there!?

 

Meg pulls out more tripods attached with various filming and lighting equipment.

 

LOIS (cont’d):

(disappointed) Oh, come on, Meg! That’s not fair! Do you really think I could of stuffed all those by myself!?

 

Meg drags out Pablo, a Mexican laborer Lois hired, out of the closet! Lois comforts him by putting her hand on his shoulder.

 

*PABLO:

I’m sorry, señora Lois! You tell me “be sneaky”, but she find mi’ anyway!

 

Lois pats Pablo’s shoulder as a way to distract him while she stealthily rolls up the shirt sleeve of the other arm with the side of her hips to REVEAL a strange gauntlet with a short, metal, retractable blade attached to it...

 

LOIS:

(to Pablo) That’s okay, Pablo... Your work here is done...

 

Lois assassinates Pablo by shanking the short dagger upwards into his crotch; He falls hard to the ground and immediately dies! Lois then retracts the blade, kneels before Pablo, takes out a big, white eagle feather from inside her shirt, and uses it to soak up the blood from his groin. Meg stands there in shock...

 

LOIS:

(to Meg) Meg, did I ever told you you’re born from a bloodline of assassins?

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. GRIFFIN’S HOUSE – TOMORROW IN THE DAYTIME

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

The whole front-left side of the house is SHOWN, but then...

 

INTERRUPT SCORE:

 

... Another random tree somewhere behind the previous tree that spontaneously combusted last night also spontaneously combusts! Followed by... (you guessed it!) a LOUD fart...

 

*JOE S. (off-screen from his house):

GOD DAMMIT!!!

 

EXT. GARAGE PARKWAY

 

Joe Swanson, who is SEEN on his wheelchair in police uniform, comes RUSHING ONTO THE PARKWAY from his own house next door. Peter also comes out FROM THE SIDE of his own home.

 

PETER:

I’d heard him jumped the fence! Did you see him!?

 

JOE S.:

Nope!! The bastard got away again!!

 

PETER:

I can’t believe we just missed him!!

 

JOE S.:

He couldn’t of got too far...

 

Joe takes out his speaker from his shirt pocket to alert the other police units!

 

JOE S.:

(into the speaker) This is Sgt. Swanson calling in all units! Be advised, the serial arsonist has just been spotted somewhere on Spooner Street! I repeat, somewhere on Spooner Street!

 

Joe replaces his speaker back.

 

Connie and Meg comes out FROM THE SIDE of the house with picnic baskets as they prepare to go on their date.

 

PETER:

Oh! Hi, Meg! Going someplace?

 

MEG:

Yep! Connie and I are going out to lunch!

 

PETER:

That’s nice! Don't be gone too long, ladies!

 

CONNIE:

Don’t worry Mr. Griffin! I’ll make sure to bring her back in one piece!

 

Connie and Meg goes TOWARDS Connie’s car to leave. Joe and Peter wave goodbye to the loving couple...

 

JOE S.:

(to the couple) Bye! Don’t go out robbing banks! (whispers to himself) Damn, these cop catchphrases are cheesy...

 

Connie and Meg drives away.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. QUAHOG PUBLIC PARK - LUNCHTIME

 

CUE SCENE INTRO:

 

A large number of people are all compacted against each other; FILLING up the entire park grounds as everyone are on their own picnics. Connie and Meg struggles to find a good place to setup their picnic.

 

CONNIE:

Oh man! The park must be busy today.

 

MEG:

Dang!

 

Suddenly a large, metal, mostly blue colored frisbee flies PASS the top of Meg’s head; It appears to have almost sliced her hair and hat off!

 

MEG:

(to the frisbee thrower) Hey! Watch it!

 

Meg inspects her scalp, and then pulls out another hat to replace her sliced one. The frisbee was actually thrown by Captain America! He can be SEEN SOMEWHERE ELSE within the crowd standing next to Spider-Man.

 

*CAPTAIN AMERICA:

(apologetic to Meg) Sorry, mam’! (mad at Spider-Man) Why didn’t you use your web to catch it!?

 

Captain America kicks Spider-Man in the crotch; He falls hard to the ground!

 

CONNIE:

I don’t know if there’s anywhere for us to sit. Maybe we should come back tomorrow...

 

Meg starts to feel disappointed about the date not happening, but then GLANCES BEHIND HERSELF to see the woodlands from the opposite direction from the crowd. She starts to grin from an idea her mind just hatched...

 

CONNIE (cont’d):

Meg? Did you hear me?

 

MEG:

(long pause) Actually, I know a spot where we can go to.

 

CONNIE:

You do?

 

Meg nods to Connie, and then takes her by the hand...

 

MEG:

Follow me!

 

CUE SCORE “Scrolling Through the Forest”:

 

Meg playfully drags Connie INTO THE WOODS with her.

 

EXT. QUAHOG PARK WILDERNESS RESERVES

 

CONNIE:

(smiling) Meg! Where are you taking me?

 

MEG:

You’ll see...

 

Connie and Meg frolic UP A STEEP HILL, and deeper into the woods. They eventually run INTO a mysteriously dense fog. Connie grows even more curious about where they’re going.

 

MEG:

Almost there...

 

EXT. MEG’S SECRET SPOT

 

Not long after the couple finally exits the fog, they find themselves at the hilltop where they SEE a wide, bright pink, circularly shaped meadow surrounded by a dense border of trees from the rest of the forest. There, located at the very center, LIES an enormously tall, pink-colored spruce tree that spans at least a 100 stories high, and also towers the entire forest too!

 

Connie is in awe for this surprise Meg wanted to show her...

 

END SCORE:

 

CONNIE:

Meg... it’s beautiful!

 

MEG:

Yep, welcome to my secret spot!

 

CONNIE:

You’re secret spot?

 

Meg nods to Connie as she gives her the grand tour around the big tree.

 

MEG:

Whenever there's times I felt down or sad, I always go home to my room and cut myself to sleep; But whenever I ran out of syringes to cut myself with, and I didn’t have the money to buy more, I spend the night here instead. I've been coming back to this spot ever since I was three.

 

CONNIE:

I can see why you like this place so much. It looks so relaxing...

 

Connie SEES a grand view of above Quahog down the hill.

 

CONNIE (cont’d):

(in deep awe) *gasp* And you can see the whole city from up here! Meg, This place is amazing! ... (looks at the tree again) And this tree is so huge! And so different from the other trees! (to Meg) I lived here in Quahog my whole life, but I never saw this tree from the outside before. How did you managed to find this place? Surely other people had to of known about place with this huge tree being here!

 

MEG:

Funny you’d ask, Connie...

 

Meg takes Connie AROUND THE TREE, and shows her a strange pentagram symbol carved into the side of the trunk.

 

MEG:

When I’d first found this weird carving, I realized this tree is protected by some kind of pagan enchantment that prevents anyone else from finding this whole place; And that old bridge we were just on is the only entrance, and it’s being guarded by a guardian beast who only lets me pass.

 

CONNIE:

Do you mean like a bridge-troll?

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

EXT. SOMEWHERE ALONG FOREST’S PATHWAY

 

Dora the Explorer and her monkey pal Boots are WALKING IN THE WOODS until they curiously stumble upon a old, magical, pink bridge.

 

*BOOTS:

Look, Dora! There's a bridge!

 

*DORA:

¡Buen trabajo, Boots! Let’s go across it to see what’s on the other side!

 

The troll who lives under the bridge JUMPS OUT FROM UNDERNEATH as he tries to stop Dora and Boots with his shotgun!

 

*TROLL:

(sings with shotgun in hand)

♪ Oh, I’m the grumpy ol’ troll, ♪

♪ Stay the fuck away from this bridge! ♪

 

The troll takes aim as Dora and Boots freezes with their arms up!

 

DORA:

Hey! We’re sorry, mister!

 

BOOTS:

We don’t mean any trouble!

 

TROLL:

♪ If you keep up that B.S. then, ♪

♪ You’re gonna’ make me pissed, ♪

♪ You’re gonna’ make me pissed... ♪

 

 

The troll shoots off a shell into the air, and then re-cocks his shotgun! Dora and Boots runs back to where they came!

 

BOOTS:

(running away) Alright! We’re going! We’re going!

 

DORA:

(also runs away) ¡Oh dios mío!

 

CUT AND GO TO BREAK:

* * *

#  Act 6

 

EXT. GRIFFIN’S HOUSE - DAYTIME

 

The front-right side of the house is SHOWN.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. LIVING ROOM

 

The doorbell RINGS. Lois answers the door; Cleveland was waiting on the other side. He can be SEEN holding the suspicious black shoe box he'd found yesterday in both hands...

 

CLEVELAND:

Hey, Lois! Is Brian around?

 

LOIS:

Oh, yes! He’s...

 

Brian comes out from BEHIND Lois to greet Cleveland.

 

BRIAN:

(to Lois) It’s fine, Lois! I heard him call me. (to Cleveland) What’s up?

 

CLEVELAND:

(to Brian) You’ mind if we go somewhere more privately... (points towards the stairway) like say, upstairs, maybe?

 

BRIAN:

Sure...

 

Brian invites Cleveland INSIDE THE HOUSE, and then leads him upstairs. Lois closes the door behind them, but decides TO NOT FOLLOW the guys so she doesn’t accidentally eavesdrop on their conversation.

 

INT. UPPER FLOOR HALLWAY

 

After GOING UP, the pair tries to find a inconspicuous spot in the hallway, looks around to see if anyone else is near them, and then proceeds with their private chat...

 

BRIAN:

Looks clear. (to Cleveland) What do you wanna’ talk about?

 

CLEVELAND:

Sorry, Brian, I didn’t come to see you. I’m actually here for Stewie. I’d just used your name to get pass Lois.

 

BRIAN:

So you want to talk to Stewie? That’s fine!

 

CLEVELAND:

Well, it’s sorta’ not fine... It was rude of me to use you like that so I can do business with an underage toddler, but then it’d looked weird in front of Lois if I didn’t. Especially after how I screwed up my own reputation in the community.

 

CUT TO GAG:

 

EXT. SMURF’S VILLAGE

 

Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland are all tied up with rope from their feet AS THEY DINGLE slightly above the ground! Their faces are apparently painted blue; The surrounding smurf POPULATION are taking great offense to this...

 

CLEVELAND:

I’m sorry, guys! I didn’t know smurfs ar’ offended to blue face!

 

PETER:

That’s OK, Cleveland! We didn’t know too!

 

*PAPA SMURF:

GET THEM!!!

 

CUE SCORE “Smurf Theme Song”:

 

Each smurf pulls out longs sticks, and then USES THEM TO BEAT UP the human offenders like piñatas!

 

END GAG AND CUT TO:

 

INT. STEWIE’S BEDROOM

 

Cleveland and Brian ENTER the room to talk to Stewie while he’s playing with his toys.

 

CLEVELAND:

Hey, Stewie! Got a minute?

 

STEWIE:

*grunts* Can’t you see I’m busy!? I’m trying to give He-Man “the talk”, and... you know what? The hell with He-Man!

 

Stewie throws his He-Man action figure far off to the side; It explodes upon impact!

 

STEWIE (cont’d):

How can I be of your assistance today, double-stuf oreo?

 

CLEVELAND:

I was wondering if I could ask a favor from you. I have this “really important” thang’ here (lifts up the box in his hands) I need to put away, but I'm afraid it’ll won’t be safe enough to store it at my place. So I was hoping YOU could hold onto it for a while, and maybe... Oh, I don't know... have it buried somewhere inside that secret lab of yours...

 

Stewie becomes shocked that Cleveland knows about the existence of his secret lair.

 

STEWIE:

(pause while pretending to not know) What? Lab? What secret lab!? I have no idea what you’re blabbing about...

 

CLEVELAND:

Stewie, we all know you have a secret laboratory hidden behind that false wall (points to the wall where the lab’s entrance is hidden behind), and there’s a lever in your toy-box that opens it (points to the adjacent box of toys)...

 

STEWIE:

(surprised) *gasp* How the deuce did you find out!? I’d thought I kept this secret air tight!

 

BRIAN:

You gave a tour of your lab to “Science Monthly” when they've interviewed you, remember? Your picture is on the December issue...

 

Brian takes out a copy of the December issue of “Science Monthly” where Stewie can be SEEN ON THE COVER partying with the magazine’s editors in front of his secret lab with the entrance and false wall both wide open!

 

STEWIE:

Whoopsy-Dasizees!! (shrugs) That’s what I get for drinking too much egg nog!

 

Everyone chuckles as Stewie gets up and goes to his toy-box to open up the false wall.

 

STEWIE (cont’d):

(grins) Alright, you caught me! Now, what sort of contraband you want me to stash in the lab?

 

CUE “Dramatic Re-Discovery”:

 

Horizontally running black bars PARTIALLY CROPS THE SCREEN as if a CINEMATIC SCENE is about to unfold...

 

CLEVELAND:

I found “this” while I was fixin’ up the house yesterday. I stole it from Junior while he wasn't looking, and... well...

 

Cleveland slowly OPENS THE BOX he has in his hand to reveal what he’s got. When the object inside it becomes almost exposed, the camera points AWAY FROM IT, and instead focuses on Brian and Stewie’s reaction.

 

The duo’s faces turn to disbelief as a bright, gold-ish glow starts to overfill their side of the room. They try to back away from it as if it’s an omen...

 

STEWIE:

(beyond shocked) No... No! ... THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

 

BRIAN:

(beyond shocked) What is that doing... How did it... Why is that even here!?!?

 

The camera finally SHOWS the strange object inside the black box; It’s the Golden Turd!!!

 

The black bars eventually goes away, and the screen’s aspect ratio returns to NORMAL.

 

END SCORE AND CUT TO:

 

EXT. MEG’S SECRET SPOT – SUNSET

 

Connie and Meg are LAYING DOWN on their picnic blanket underneath the big tree as they WATCH THE SUNSET together. The sun is almost set all the way down.

 

CONNIE:

*yawn* It’s getting late. We better start heading back...

 

MEG:

Are you sure, babe? We’ll miss the best part.

 

CONNIE:

What?

 

The suns finally sets out as NIGHTFALL FILLS THE SKY. Meg gestures Connie to look towards the view of the city as the full moon starts to rise above it; A GORGEOUS VIEW of the moon’s glow reflecting off the city can be seen mixed in with a spectacular array of city lights. Connie can’t help herself to this rare amusement!

 

CONNIE:

It’s... It’s...

 

MEG:

Wait for it...

 

A sudden wind starts to build even more anticipation for Connie. A plume of bright-rainbow colored leaves adds the final touch to this spectacle as the winds kick them UP AND ALL AROUND the couple’s spot. Connie can't feel any more grateful...

 

CONNIE:

(with tears of joy) Thank you, Meg! For showing all of this to me!

 

MEG:

You’re welcome! ... although, it’s pretty funny how... even if you never told me you were so interested in me... that I would of showed you this place anyway.

 

CONNIE:

You mean, even if I kept abusing you the way I did, and even if there’s wasn’t an opportunity for me to tell you... my feeling about you...

 

MEG:

Sure. No matter how mean you were to me back then, I never wanted to lose hope for us. I'd always hoped... we could be friends one day.

 

CONNIE:

Well, I guess now we’re more than just friends, huh?

 

The lesbian couple begins to KISS for a while. They then STARE at each other in love.

 

MEG:

(very long pause) ... Connie, can you promise something for me?

 

CONNIE:

(long pause) What is it?

 

MEG:

... No more pranks, OK?

 

CONNIE:

Most of my pranks were meant for you, and if I stop doing them, I won’t have a reason to prank anymore... so, yes! I will promise!

 

MEG:

Thanks, Connie! It means so much... (very long pause) although, if you do have the urge to prank again, at least take it out on Robert! That douchebag totally deserves to be shunned!

 

CONNIE:

Ohhh! I can’t stand that little creep! (brief thought) You know what... (cynical) I have just the thing! I was going to save it for later for when I get you with it, but I have this idea about us holding down Robert into this “Clockwork Orange” type of torture chair, and then strap his eyelids open while we make him watch a whole bunch of Tylar Perry’s movies!

 

MEG:

(laughs) That’s golden! That prick won’t even see it coming!

 

Connie and Meg laughs a little more, and then calms down. The camera afterwards switch to show BEHIND the couple and TOWARDS the view of the city.

 

CONNIE:

I love you, Meg...

 

MEG:

I love you too, Connie...

 

The couple hugs each other a little bit closer.

 

CUE SCORE “A Shot of Love: A New Beginning”:

 

The camera moves around for ONE LAST PAN of the amazing view the couple is witnessing. It then pans UPWARDS TOWARDS the moon. The letters “The End” slowly appears as if it’s getting traced like a handwriting onto the screen. The moon starts to shake up and down, just like a floating, laughing head??? This sequence is actually a PARODY of the ending from the Disney’s animated film “Aladdin”; except when the moon head turns around to show its face, it’s Homer Simpson’s head laughing away! His real self even tries to pull up the film screen from BELOW...

 

INTERRUPT SCORE:

 

*HOMER:

Ha! Made you look!

 

Homer pulls the screen back down, but also accidentally pokes his head through it!

 

HOMER:

D’oh!

 

CUT OUT AND ROLL CREDITS WITH SCORE

“Short version of the end credits from ‘The Simpsons’”:

 

Only the producers and directors’ names are SHOWN. The rest of the credits will be overlapped on the screen with the epilogue scene.

 

FADE IN EPILOGUE AND RESUME CREDIT ROLL:

 

INT. STEWIE’S ROOM

 

Stewie reads his way through some of the scripts of other future “Family Guy” episodes. Brian eventually comes INTO the room to see what Stewie’s up to...

 

BRIAN:

Hey, Stewie! Wha’cha doing?

 

STEWIE:

Oh nothing! I figured this whole “Meg and Connie’s lesbian relationship” thing might become popular enough to boost our ratings; So I thought I should take a little peek to see what they have lined up for their story arc.

 

BRIAN:

I don’t believe it’s really that much of a big deal like Fox says it is. There’s nothing too special about it. Our show will still be the same like before, except we’ll probably have a lot more “Meg episodes” from here on out.

 

STEWIE:

*sigh* You do have a point, Brian. So far after skimming these pages, all I found is a whole bunch of make out scenes. Stewie no like-ey! *ewk* (flips through the pages) See! Make out scene ... Make out scene ... Make out scene ... Make out scene, with Roberta? Huh! That’s different! ... Make out scene... Make out scene... Make out WOW!!! (closes the page) *chuckle* Hey, Brian! I only got a tiny glimpse of this next page, but I think this one might be a sex scene!

 

BRIAN:

(surprised) A sex scene!? (curiously ponders) Alright, let's see it!

 

Stewie turns to the last page he was on that supposedly has the sex scene, and then the two proceeds to read it. Soon after reading only a little bit, they briefly blush! Stewie closes the script again, and slowly sets it down to the side. The pair look at each other as they try to digest what they've just read...

 

STEWIE:

(shocked) Dear lord... those bastards are turning this show into a porno...

 

CUT:


End file.
